7/2

[bring_balance]

Anakin has been in Darrow no longer than a day, but is already certain he doesn't care for it. Everything seems so primitive; speeders that roll on wheels, buildings so low to the ground, the streets in some places looking even more bare than the Jedi temple. And no matter how much he focuses and opens himself up to the Force, he can't sense anything beyond the boundaries of the City. To one edge, a shore and a great seat, to the other, a lush countryside, but beyond that... he can't be sure.

It's unsettling, to say the least.

But even though he's been told that they can't leave, Anakin remains unconvinced. With Obi-Wan there as well, he's certain they will find a way out. The two of them have met every challenge thrown their way, and this will be no different. It's not that Anakin is in a great hurry to get back to the war, but he's sure that getting back to Coruscant will mean his best chance at saving Padme. Perhaps it is coming to this place, with its primitive technologies that causes what he saw in his nightmare. He can't let it come to pass.

Obi-Wan explained their predicament in a way that only Obi-Wan could, but Anakin spent most of the day thinking of Padme. Reaching out to make sure he still sensed her in the city. Of course, he couldn't simply steal himself away for the sole purpose of seeing Padme alone.

It's longer than he would like before he's able to go to her, seeking out her familiar presence among hundreds of others in the unfamiliar city. He can't be certain that she's safe until he sees her with his own eyes.

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[bring_balance]

Admittedly, it hadn't been Anakin's best moment, attacking Clovis, even if he'd been right and the man couldn't be trusted. If he could have taken it back, he would have. He'd gone too far, he'd lost control, and then Padmé had said they shouldn't see each other anymore. The memory of that night on her balcony comes flooding back all at once, settling into the pit of his stomach as something akin to sorrow.

It was the last thing she remembered. Not his apology, not hers. Not Clovis's death. Not their reconciliation. Just Anakin and his own rage and failure.

"It's not your fault," Anakin says, pushing that feeling of sadness down again, that feeling of loss, knowing what's going between them now. Padmé holds on to his hands and he looks down at them, not ready to meet her eyes again yet, "Neither of us came to this place on purpose."

[nabooqueen]

It doesn't surprise Padmé to learn that they'd reconciled, though part of her wonders how that might have come about. Some small part of her is glad that they were able to make it to the point of having a baby, the way she'd always dreamed, but it's muffled by sorrow. There's an ache in her heart at the thought of the child she would never know, of the future she and Anakin might have had together if Darrow hadn't stolen them away from their lives.

Carefully, without letting go of his hands, she guides them to a nearby bench and sits down. Anakin won't meet her eyes and she doesn't try to force it, giving him whatever time he needs to process the news. Whatever she's feeling now, she knows it must be so much worse for him.

[bring_balance]

Anakin sits next to her on the bench, trying to temper his emotions still. He's not sure if this all means his nightmare is truly just one possible future now not a possibility, or still yet to come. It was vivid, just like the one of his mother, so Anakin can't dismiss it entirely, but he doesn't want to burden Padmé with the knowledge of it. Not when they may both escape it just yet.

"I suppose we have a lot to catch up on," he finally says, and when he finally looks up and smiles over at her, the expression doesn't quite reach his eyes, "But if either of us had to end up here, at least we're here together."

He doesn't want to imagine a scenario where he found himself in Darrow without her there.

[nabooqueen]

"At least there's that," Padmé says, and if her answering smile is small and a little wobbly, almost tearful, at least it's real. She doesn't know where they'll go from here, with the memory of their fight still in the back of her mind and the knowledge of a child that no longer exists hanging over them both, but they've been given the chance to figure it out, and that's not nothing.

"Even if the timing seems like somebody's idea of a joke, if it means we're here together, that's better than the alternative. I couldn't bear the thought of being trapped here and never getting to see you again. Never getting to apologize for not listening to you..."

[bring_balance]

"But from my perspective you did apologize," Anakin replies, realizing in that moment just how much he's going to have to tell her. Perhaps it's only a few months that she's missing, but so much has happened, he hardly knows what to tell her next. Except with the obvious.

"But it doesn't excuse my overreaction," he adds, because even though he's accepted Padmé's apology several times over, she has yet to hear his. He's ashamed, thinking back on his actions the last time she saw him: knowing he could have killed Clovis right there and not caring. And his betrayal had only been a small part of the reason why.

"You can't imagine how sorry I am, Padmé."

[nabooqueen]

At some point soon, Padmé is going to have to make Anakin tell her what had happened in the galaxy in the months between her departure and his (and then make Obi-Wan tell her everything Anakin didn't), but now doesn't feel like the right time for that. Not when they still have so much to figure out.

"I forgive you," she says immediately, because she can't not. She'd been halfway to forgiving him by the time she arrived on Scipio, and after everything that had happened since... "You were right about Clovis, even if you could have handled it better."

[bring_balance]

Even though they'd been through this before-- his apology and hers, both accepted-- a weight lifts from his chest to hear Padmé express forgiveness. Anakin has been told time and time again that he possesses a certain luck, but moments like these are when he feels truly lucky.

"We can put it all behind us," Anakin says, and this time his smile is genuine, "Again. And we can figure out this strange place together."

[nabooqueen]

Padmé wants, so badly, to put it behind her. She wants to forgive him and move on, the way she now realizes she must have back home. But while she's forgiven him, she's not sure she can forget it had ever happened. The things she'd said may have been said in anger, but she'd meant them all the same - the secrecy had been destroying her, she hadn't been happy, and Anakin's inability to trust her judgement had been a problem even before Clovis had thrown it into such sharp focus.

She loves him, but as much as she hates to admit it, she's not sure she wants to go back to the way things were. She just... doesn't know how to say that, not when he's finally smiling again.

"I don't know where we go from here," she says carefully. "But I'm glad we'll get the chance to figure it out."

[bring_balance]

Padmé says she's glad, and Anakin is as well, his smile widening slightly at first. But there's something else there, something he can sense from her that doesn't quite match what she's telling him.

"There's something wrong," he says, frowning again, and there's something tugging at him from inside, a wound up ball of emotion in his chest that he tries to ignore, but can't.

"What is it? Tell me."

[nabooqueen]

Padmé should have known better than to try and keep something like this from any Jedi, let alone Anakin Skywalker.

"I love you," she says slowly, hoping he'll remember that, hoping he won't fly off the handle when he hears what she has to say next. "I really do, and I do want to be with you. But... I meant what I said when we fought, Ani. This isn't a marriage, not if there's no trust. I need to know that you trust me, and right now... right now, I don't."

[bring_balance]

"I do trust you," Anakin snaps right away, his tone urgent, but not angry. He's been in Darrow less than a day, and all he can see if what is threatens to take from him. He should have been celebrating the end of the war, preparing to welcome Ahsoka back, navigating how to prevent his nightmare from coming to pass for Padmé and the baby.

But Darrow has taken so much from him already. And now...

"It sounds like you haven't changed your mind," he says, his heart feels heavy in anticipation of her answer. All he seems to sense from Padmé in that moment is resolve.

[nabooqueen]

"There's a lot of ground in between not seeing each other any more and going back to the way things were," Padmé says, and as she says it, she realizes that it's true, and suddenly she thinks that she might be able to see a way through this. For both of them, together. She hasn't had the time to think it through at all, to compose arguments or anticipate how Anakin might react. All she can do is try to explain, and hope he'll listen.

"Nobody here knows that we're married, we don't have to -" No. No, that isn't the right way to approach this, not with Anakin. She takes a deep breath and tries again.

"As far as I can tell, as long as we're here, there's no reason we'd have to keep our love a secret. There's no Senate here, no Council except Obi-Wan, and he wouldn't care; he loves us. Plenty of people manage to be together and be in love without being married, so maybe... maybe we could try doing that? Being together openly, with no secrecy, no war... just the two of us, seeing how this works when we get the chance to be regular people. Please? Can we try just being regular people for a bit?"

She almost wants to close her eyes, but she makes herself hold his gaze, hoping he can see how much she loves him. If he says no... she really doesn't know what she's going to do if he says no.

[bring_balance]

The first thing that Anakin feels is relief. He'd been reminded of that night after he'd fought Clovis, Padmé walking away, the way his heart had sank at the idea of living life without her. But this is something different entirely.

The idea that they won't need to keep their marriage secret anymore has crossed Anakin's mind more than once since Obi-Wan explained everything the night before. It's a freeing thought, to say the least. For three years, they've done nothing but hide, sneaking conversations via holotransmitter when there were free moments, Anakin finding excuses to go to her when he was on Coruscant and not away fighting some battle with the Separatists.

Perhaps it's odd at this moment that Padmé is the one willing to rush forward, but Anakin feels apprehension. He trusts Obi-Wan with his life, but he knows that if they ever find a way to return home, he'll be obligated to report to the Council. His loyalties have always run stronger than Anakin's, even though he's expressed doubt in them as of late.

What they do here, could change everything back there.

"I want nothing more than to be with you," Anakin replies, still meeting her eyes, "But how can we be certain we won't find ourselves back in Coruscant tomorrow? Obi-Wan would be obligated to report us."

Obi-Wan lived a future where the Council were attacked, the Jedi erradicted, but now that they know what could happen, Anakin can't see any reason why they won't be able to prevent it.

[nabooqueen]

"I'm not sure it works like that," Padmé says. She'd worked this out last night, while thinking over all the things she'd been told upon her arrival. It's not exactly a pleasant conclusion, but it's the only one she can think of that makes any sense at all.

"Think about it, Ani - I was brought here from months before you were, but you don't remember me disappearing, right? And I probably didn't come back from Scipio talking about the imminent fall of the Republic." She has to be careful here - Obi-Wan's certainly told Anakin some of what he knows, but she can't be sure how much of it he believed, especially not where the Chancellor's concerned. "I don't know what that means - maybe we're replaced somehow when we're brought here, maybe finding a way back means we'll forget ever being here - but I'm not sure what we do here will make any difference to our lives back home."

So we may as well do what we want, she doesn't say. He'll come to that conclusion on his own.

[bring_balance]

A place where they don't have to worry about what the Council will say or how the Senate will react. Ever since he and Padmé have been together, there's never been a moment where they weren't keeping the secret of their love from someone. The idea that they won't have to in Darrow is... overwhelming.

"So as long as we're here... we stop hiding," Anakin says, following her train of thought. It's completely new territory for them, but it's what they've always wanted, to be... normal. To have a relationship like every other.

He's still not sure what any of this could mean for his nightmare. Could it still come to pass, years from now? He decides to keep it to himself for now, but is determined not to forget it. It's not something he will allow to happen. Not in their own galaxy, and not where they are now.

[nabooqueen]

"We stop hiding," Padmé agrees. She'd only come up with the idea a minute ago, but the more she thinks about it, the more she wants it. As happy as she'd been to be married to Anakin, a small part of her has always been jealous of the people who could talk about their relationships openly, who didn't have to sneak in secret visits in between battles and debates, who could walk down the street holding hands without having to worry that they might be seen.

"We stop hiding, and... we figure out how to rebuild this relationship on a foundation of trust. And how to have a normal relationship," she adds with a soft laugh. "I'm not sure either of us has the slightest idea of what that looks like."